Good morning!
**This was written last week, but relatable, so I think it’s worth posting still**
Well, not so good morning for me, it’s only 1 am and I am sitting in my living room, alone, everyone has gone to bed and I am splitting.
Today was a somewhat eventful day. We had a fairly severe storm rip through our area. It did a decent amount of damage, flooded part of our basement, knocked out our internet and then power for hours we even lost access to our mobile data as a tower must have been damaged.
The power came on around 7 pm and we all settled into our evening routines. At midnight, the power went out again and apparently won’t be back on until 5pm tomorrow night!
I am trying to stay positive, I mean there are things I should be grateful for. We had no damage to our house and we’re all OK! I should be grateful that the low tonight is only -3 and not -30. Were not going to freeze our asses off. While I may be sitting here alone, I’m not alone in the house. I feel secure knowing that. These are all very important things! The most important really, but my brain is stuck in “all bad” right now and I can’t seem to pull myself out of it!
Why do we live in a rural area where these types of events are more likely? Why are we living in an area that has such crappy internet, when quite literally everything we do involves the internet? Those two questions alone are just making me mad…Now I add in the fear that all my fish are going to die because the water is going to get too cold and I’ve spent a tiny fortune on this tank! Then there’s the fear that all the food in the fridge and freezer are going to go to waste and well, that would be a very expensive replacement.
I know what you’re thinking, they are rational fears, they are! Except in my brain, in this moment it is causing me complete emotional chaos. Everything here is bad. I don’t want to live here anymore. Living with these fears isn’t worth it. I am fighting an urge to get in my car and go, but where? It’s 1 am! Where would I go, what would that solve? Nothing!
So I’m stuck here feeling alone and helpless and trapped and I’m spiraling with thoughts of life never being better than what I’m feeling right now. I feel panicked and overwhelmed.
How do you cope with splitting? How do you put aside the negative and focus on the positive? How do you let logic win?
Talk to me…
~Tasha